Are you a worldly friend or Godly friend?

I have decided to put a hold on heaven and hell for a minute. I have had this topic heavy on my heart the past few days and would like to share some of my thoughts about friendships. There are two different types of friends. There is what we call worldly friends and Godly friends. The bible says in Proverbs 17:17 that true friends will love you at all times. Godly friends are people that will accept you no matter who you are or what circumstance you are in. How awesome would it be if all of our friends were Godly friends. Unfortunately, we all have or have had worldly friends. A worldly friend is someone who is driven by their own emotions and desires. Someone who will be friends with you as long as you can give them what they want. A person that only calls you when they need you to do something for them. This person will never ask you out for coffee or lunch because their time is spent on pleasing themselves. This person will also abandon you when the going gets tough. We have all been hurt by our "worldly friends" and that is why I have decided to do this study. I have read several books on finding Godly friends. So I decided to combined what I have learned and share it with you guys so together we can learn how to find more Godly friends.

I think the best place to start with the four factors of building a Godly friendships. The first one is life transitions. Try to find others that are in the same season of life as you. When you find someone that is dealing or has dealt with the same problems that you are going through, get to know that person. Invite them to lunch or coffee. Don't miss the opportunity to talk with someone who might understand what you are going through.

Having a hard time meeting people? Church is a great place to meet friends. Join a group. They offer a ton of different groups that you can get involved in. No matter if you are a stay at home mom, just divorced, single and dating, new mom, or a widow there is a group for you.

The second factor is personality. We all know that saying opposites attract. Well it took me about 30 years to figure out that the saying is oh so true. I took a long look at all of my close friends and realized that they are the total opposite of me. Not to mention my hubby which is my best friend, is the total opposite of myself. As you all know, I am an extrovert. I am not sure why everyone thinks that just because you are an extrovert, that it is easier to make friends. Why? Because we can talk to a brick wall? Its not just a matter if you are outgoing or shy. Both types of women could have a hard time making friends. The outgoing person may talk too much or too freely and scare the other person off. While a quite shy person may not share enough about themselves and the other person gives up trying to get close to them.

If you have a hard time making friends here are some tips that might help. Are you uncomfortable in large groups? Then attend a group that breaks off into smaller more intimate group. (such as women's community) Allow others to introduce you to their friends. Example...I was finding it hard to see all of my friends as much as I wanted. So I decided to created a bunko group which included some of my closest friends. At first none of them really knew each other but over time they have also become friends. So it has become a win/win. My friends become friends and I get to see them all once a month. Plus, I don't have to ask Paul to be Mr. Mom every other night. You also want to let people know that you are seeking new friends and when you do meet a potential friend make sure you ask them tons of questions about themselves. It lets them know that you are truly interested in them.

The third factor is being able to come out of our comfort zone. If you guys are like me you have grown to LOVE your comfort zone and do not like leaving it! We gravitate toward what is familiar because it is what feels normal and easy. A lot of times our comfort zones can keep us from building relationships with others.

When we are single we have single friends. Then we get married and make friends with other married couples. Then we decided to have kids so now we must find new friends that also have children. Not forgetting, that they must have kids around the same age as ours.

We all know God loves to take us out of our comfort zone. Whenever God ask something of me, I can guarantee you it will involve me leaving my comfort zone. He does this for a reason. When we leave our comfort zone, it helps us become more Christ like and helps us see his wonderful blessings. It doesn't matter if you are single or married, working or retired. We all have many of the same day to day responsibilities- laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, ect... So try to find ways to do them together even if you have to leave your comfort zone.

The final factor is busyness. Who can't relate to this one? I know I can! It takes a lot of time to maintain a household, raise your children, be a good wife, sister, cousin, aunt, friend, ect.... You feel like you are being pulled in fifty different directions and by the end of the week you don't even have enough energy to spend time with you family unless reaching out to make new friends. This is why we must look for different times of the week to reach out to new friends. Schedule play dates mid week or a quick cup of coffee before you start your busy day. Who says we have to wait for the weekend to get together? We must learn to keep a balance in all areas of our life. This is one area that I constantly struggle with. We need to look at our calendar and find out what is taking up all our time. Then reevaluate our schedule. Always be on the look out for other women who have the same kind of schedules and duties as you. See if you can help each other walk though these seasons. Make sure you leave room in your new schedule for your new Godly friends. You can start a bunko group like I did, a book club, bible study, or any kind of group. That way you will have a regular scheduled time with your friends and your month will not pass you by without spending time with them. If you are a working mom, then take one day off from running errands on your lunch break and have lunch with another working mom. If you are in school full time, grab dinner with another student in-between classes. Don't try to combat loneliness with activity rather than companionship. When you are feeling lonely, be careful not to fill your life with too many activities. As you take steps to initiate new friendships, trust God to help meet your friendship needs.

Ok so that wraps up our week. Although, I do have some homework for you guys. Here are some reflection questions that will help us see what could be hindering us from making Godly friends.

#1 How would you describe the importance of friendships in your life? Do you feel like you have the time and energy needed to devote to making new friends?

#2 Can you think of a stressful time when you found yourself turning toward your girlfriends for support? How did God use those women to help?

#3 Do you have a childhood memory of a friendship that went wrong? Looking back how could that friendship survived? What could you have done different?

#4 Are any of the four barriers that we talked about tonight holding you back from forming new friendships? If so what is one step you can take this week to reach out to someone new?

Next week we will continue our "making Godly friends" journey. Hope everyone has a great week!!! Please feel free to e-mail me with any questions or concerns.

Hugs & Prayers,

Kimberly